Shelane's Run - Advocating for Perinatal Suicide Awareness
Sarah and Joanne are the founders of Shelane's Run, in partnership with Postpartum Support Virginia.
They created the event in 2016, less than a year after their beloved daughter and sister died by suicide from what they believe was a psychotic episode.
Shelane was a cop, mom of three, and had just miscarried her fourth baby when the unimaginable happened.
Mara Watts, outreach director for Postpartum Support Virginia and therapist, contacted me two weeks ago and asked if I’d sit down with them for a podcast episode and photo session.
I said yes, first because I love Mara and second because we never talk about this.
This. Death by suicide. Mothers taking their own lives. We muster prayers and close our eyes, unable to fathom what went through their head before… before they left everyone behind, broken, unable to piece everything back together.
One of the first things I discussed with Joanne and Sarah was how I could make them comfortable— or as comfortable as one can be given the circumstances.
Quickly, I realized that the gore details wouldn’t lead us anywhere. This wasn’t how they wanted Shelane’s to be remembered. They also didn’t want her children to stumble upon these articles and be reminded of what they had witnessed.
So how? How do we honor someone’s life while also being honest about their suffering?
So we talked about guilt, and how it sneakily makes its way into our brain after such an event. How they replay the details of that day and the previous weeks, looking for a clue, any clue of what they could have missed.
“What went wrong?” they asked. “She was sad, confused, but she’d just lost her baby. If only someone had stayed with her that day…” Sarah and Joanne whispered between tears.
Joanne (left) and Sarah (right). Shelane’s mother and sister are advocates and founders of Shelane’s Run.
Perinatal suicide* is a leading cause of perinatal mortality. Despite common misconceptions, pregnancy and the postpartum period do not protect against the risk of psychiatric disorders or suicide**.
Perinatal suicide is more common than perinatal deaths caused by postpartum hemorrhage or hypertensive disorders. It accounts for up to 20% of postpartum deaths. Twenty. Percent.
What we also need to understand is that the severity and rapidly evolving nature of postpartum psychosis — which is what Shelane possibly suffered from — increase the risk of suicide. Albeit rare, psychosis does not always happen to others. When one suspects it, you have to recognize the symptoms and act fast.
But the disease isn’t the only cause of perinatal suicide: heighten anxiety and depression greatly increases thoughts about suicide while pregnant and after.
Personally, my suicidal ideations only began when I was four months postpartum. Isolation and untreated depression and anxiety almost got the best of me. I did not want to believe that my brain could lead me to commit suicide. And yet, when the thoughts became too real, I had no choice but to reach out: it was admitting that I was ill and receiving care, or dying.
Because of the delicate nature of the topic, not many people are comfortable with even the mere idea that people in their life might die in such a way.
Given the fragmented and distracted health care system, suicidal individuals therefore often fall through the cracks.
Shelane was seen by medical professionals only on the day she had to say goodbye to her fourth child. No follow-up with her OB. No call from the hospital. Nothing. Had she been screened (and not just once) by her provider, one can wonder if the outcome would have been different.
As we can expect in such circumstances, the “what ifs” are weighing heavy on her family.
“Had I just been better prepared, you know, if, if more people had written about it or talked about it, I don't think I would have been so hit blindsided about everything,” Joanne, Shelane’s mother, told me.
“I would have thought anyway, that I would have passed that information onto my own children. I didn't know what I didn't know. But the thing is: others did. So why were we left alone?”
This is why Joanne works so hard nowadays to make sure other parents don’t fall into the cracks as well. Because the collateral damages of suicide are extensive.
The morning of her passing, Shelane called Joanne, who was away in Tennessee: "Mom. I just, I have this very odd feeling in my stomach," she said. "I can't place exactly what it is, but I feel like something's going to happen." When she went on a talked about her plans for the following week, Joanne didn’t worry too much, but the back and forth between her fears of something happening and her domestic life took Joanne aback.
“It was definitely out of character,” she told me, “But not enough for me to dial 911.”
It’s normal to not want to confront “the worst that could happen” when someone seems out of character. And ultimately, it’s not the family’s responsibility to diagnose their loved ones.
Once again, a systemic effort is needed to carry everybody (not just the patient) in understanding, recognizing, and bringing awareness to something that is preventable.
“Mental illness is just that: an illness” Mara Watts told me afterward. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are highly treatable. Mothers don’t have to suffer or die. Parents don’t have to mourn the loss of their children.
Education. Awareness. And more screening.
When we know most postpartum people who give birth to live children are only seen once 6 weeks after their delivery, and only to check the stitches and prescribe birth control, this is simply not enough.
We’ve known for a long time that screening saves lives. So does trauma-informed and individualized care. I’m not sure how many more red flags we, as a society, need to get parents the care they deserve.
* Most providers and sources will call it ‘Maternal’ Suicide, which we believe is not representative — nor is it inclusive— of the population suffering from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
** Source: 2020mom.