Story #79 - Hela, Massachusetts (USA) - Triplets, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, Cesarean Section, NICU, COVID, VBAC, and Looking at the Silver Lining
PART 1
We thought we were only having one baby.
It's not until the second ultrasound that the technician said, "We think we might see two!" We were so excited. I remember looking at my husband saying, "Oh my gosh! Twins?! Do we even have them in our families?"
They got a new ultrasound machine to confirm. The technician redid the test, and then the doctor came in. He said, "Well, we definitely see two... and then a third."
I was shocked. My first reaction was, "But how did they all get in there?"
It was incredibly surreal. I couldn't imagine what one child would look like, let alone three.
But my husband and I were up to the challenge. We left the clinic and just said, "I guess we're having triplets!"
From then on, I was monitored by a high-risk doctor. I thought, "I'm a healthy person; it will be fine!" But it was a difficult pregnancy, with a lot of challenges along the way. I had two in utero surgeries and I was put on bed rest where I spent eight weeks on the couch. I was only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and take a shower. And even that, I couldn't do it every day. It was pretty crazy.
We had to make many decisions that would determine the life of the pregnancy. A common thing that happens with multiple is that they share a placenta. I had two eggs that were fertilized and one of them that split. One baby was fraternal and two were identical. These two babies were sharing a placenta with each their own sac, and I developed what's called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. TTTS is a prenatal condition where babies share unequal amounts of the placenta's blood supply, so the two are growing at different rates. I also didn't have enough fluid in the sac, which increased the possibility of heart failure. If that happened, it would be lethal.
When they discovered the condition, the babies were already at stage three. The only way to treat it was by going in and lasering them off the blood vessels that connected them, so they would each have separate blood flow.
I was 17 weeks pregnant.
There was a risk the amniotic sac would detach from the uterus and I would miscarry. We were given a choice: either the pregnancy would likely end because of TTTS, or we tried and despite the risks. We decided to go in.
We were incredibly lucky, and it worked.
But a week later, I started leaking amniotic fluid. We rushed to the nearest hospital, which was not where I was seeing my specialist. There, they told me I was having a miscarriage and they began to set everything up to deliver the baby. I was shattered. My husband had a live-saving idea to call the nurse from the specialist's office, and she told us to stop everything: there was another surgery we could try to save the babies.
The leak had been caused by the laser when they separated the blood vessels. They fixed it by taking blood platelets from me, and the day after, they sealed the hole. It fused and once again, everything worked out. From week 18 to 26 and a half, I was put on bed rest at home.
Then—as if it wasn’t enough— I started bleeding.
I went to the hospital again and they thought I was going into labor. They gave me magnesium and sent me to another hospital with more NICU beds. Luckily, I stopped contracting when I got there and stayed at the hospital until I was 30 weeks—which is to say when I delivered the babies.
Labor happened spontaneously. When I began contracting, they prep me for my C-section. The surgery was a little scary because they had two NICU doctors explain what could happen to my babies because they were born at 30 weeks. They had their steroid shots to open their lungs but there was a possibility of brain damages, heart failure, etc. The list went on.
One doctor was super excited that I had made it to 30 weeks. The other was grimmer. It was confusing. I was excited to meet the babies, but so nervous. Physically I was more than ready to have them, but mentally, it was a challenge.
I discovered that not going through the birth process vaginally was unsettling. One second I was pregnant, and the next, they were showing me babies. I didn't expect to feel that disconnect.
The first who came out did not cry and they rushed out to intubate her. The other two screamed, which was a good sign.
And just like that, our three daughters were born.
(Family photo)
We'd learned we were having girls at our 15 weeks appointment. My husband had made everyone laugh because he said, "Wanna check again to make sure there's not a boy in the mix?"
There's no "right" way to prepare for the arrival of a child, but it's definitely a challenge to imagine your life with three. We went with the twins' books first, but ultimately, I decided to take it day by day. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I did not have the luxury to research anything during my pregnancy. Most weeks, we were wondering if we'd end up with three live babies or none. It was nerve-wracking, and we were more in a survival mode than anything else.
We had a lot of help after the babies were born. We were living in LA at the time, and I had hired a helper during the day for when my husband was at work. At some point, I had someone tell me I should hire a night nurse. That was the first time I'd heard of that! It sounded like a great idea to have someone get up to feed the babies while I rest.
I remember running the idea by other moms on some Facebook groups I was on. I got so much flack for it. Ironically enough, the worse comments came from a triplets moms group. People told me, "Better put your big girl panties" or "You chose that life, suck it up!" It was pretty horrible, and I ended up not doing it.
My husband and I were just four months into our marriage when we learned I was pregnant with triplets. We had been set up by a matchmaker and got engaged after seven weeks of dating. Three months later, we were married.
We didn't really have time to get to know each other as a couple. You think about what you want your marriage to be, then imagine yourself with kids, but then you discover that you're going to have triplets!
Despite all this, he was my rock during pregnancy. Before surgery, I was always a wreck. He made me breathe and think about the positive outcomes.
After the girls came, it became harder. I remember feeling like I was doing a lot on my own because my husband was gone to work. Now we communicate a lot better, but back then, it was difficult. The lack of sleep played a big role and the first year was something else!
I always joke that having triplets as my first parenting experience was a blessing in disguise. Of course, it was shocking to have three of them all at once, but it was the only thing that I knew. There would be three and that would be life.
Luckily, the NICU team prepared us well. They were big on schedule and explained that we'd have to feed all of them every three hours. Even if one was sleeping or another not hungry. It was vital for our sanity that we woke everybody up and not drift away from the plan.
Two of them would also sleep in a pack and play and the other one in a bassinet! When we first came home, we tried to put them all in one crib, but it was easier to have them all close by at night.
We were living in a one-bedroom apartment in LA, so it was pretty crazy. We all slept together for the first year, but then we made the switch: my husband and I would sleep in the living room and the girls had the bedroom. It was like living in a studio! We were always on top of each other and that added to our struggles.
We moved to Massachusetts when the girls turned two. We came here in 2016 because my husband's family is from here and we wanted to be closer to them. It became clear we couldn't do it on our own, so we could either pay for help when we needed to leave the house, or the family could care for them. We knew the kids weren't seeing enough of their grandparents anyway, and there was a big push to move closer. So we did.
(Family photo)
When the girls were two, I had a little bit of "Maybe I could have another one?" But then I would go through my day and think, "Nononono. What was I thinking?!" It didn't cross my mind again until they were three.
I come from a big family, so I knew I wanted more. People would be like, "You're so lucky! You had your big family in one shot!" but I always felt it wasn't complete. At the same time, I had that mental play where I would think, "Is it fair to have another one? Would I be able to give enough of myself?" I already felt so overwhelmed.
But I couldn't shake it out, and we started trying after moving to Massachusetts.
A whole year passed. And I couldn't get pregnant.
PART 2
We began monitoring my LH levels after one year of trying to conceive. Finally, in November 2019, I got pregnant, but it ended in a miscarriage. I was heartbroken. Then I got pregnant again, but I suffered a chemical pregnancy in June. My heart was shattered once again. I think these losses took me by surprise because I'd gotten pregnant so fast with triplets on our first try. So why couldn't I get pregnant for more than a year afterward? July came, and I became pregnant again. I was really nervous, but the pregnancy went through.
Our baby due date was April 1st, but he was born March 23rd, on our anniversary date. The plan was to have the girls in school after he was born so that I could rest with the baby, but COVID started two weeks before I delivered.
I was definitely stressing out during those two weeks. One day I was working then the other, everything shut down. The girls were home all the time. It was their last year of preschool and they couldn't attend their graduation. Every day, something new happened. My husband would come down every morning telling me all these bad news, and I told him to stop because it was freaking me out.
The day I delivered, someone told me that they would no longer allow guests to come into the room. Even my husband. I told them, "This is my first VBAC, and I want someone there with me." They eventually agreed, and I had hoped my mom could attend. But they wouldn't let anyone else but a partner. If she couldn't be there, I definitely needed him.
I called again that afternoon to make sure he could be in the room, and that evening, I went into labor.
My VBAC went well. When I got pregnant with the girls--but didn't know I expected three—I really wanted a natural birth with a tub. It obviously didn't happen that way, but I wanted to try again with our fourth.
The actual delivery was fast. Only nine hours. Three weeks before delivering, we took a tour of the birth center. At the end, my husband asked the nurse, "Let's say we're rushing because her water broke, can we just pull up and run inside?" I started laughing and told him, "It's not like in the movies! Expect a slow process... and take the time to park!"
Of course, it all happened exactly like what he had said that day. At midnight, I heard a pop and my water broke. Almost right away, my contractions were two minutes and a half apart. I was not expecting that at all. It was so painful.
I thought it'd be a gradual process, but my first thought when I got to the birth center was, "Where's the epidural?!"
It worked well, but then only on one side. I got some more, and then I was in heaven! The baby came in a couple of pushes: a baby boy! We had tried to wait until his birth to keep it as a surprise, but I was too curious. we would have been happy either way, but there’s something sweet with having a boy after three girls!
(Family photo)
The first time we introduced him to them, the reactions were interesting: two came running and were like, "He's so cute!!" They immediately wanted to hold him and touch his little toes. The other left the room and played with puzzles. It was quite surprising because, from all of them, she's the most social and empathetic. I thought her reaction would be more smothering, but it didn't happen like that. Even now, the other two will rock him on the bouncy chair and get so excited. Not her. She'll shy away or send somebody else if I ask her to do it.
We had our son circumcised eight days after he was born. It was not at all the celebration I had in mind! We'd planned to have the community and our parents over, but none of it happened. Instead, aside from the actual circumcision, everything was done virtually! We arranged a Facebook Live and a Zoom for our family. We had way more people attend that they would have been physically able to, so it was lovely for that.
I was worried because the mohel was older. I asked him several times if he was okay coming to our house. He wore a mask and used gloves, but he didn't stay very long. Even the rabbi was virtual. I thought he'd come to the ceremony, but he gave his speech virtually to all the other guests who were also virtually attending. It's crazy when you think about it!
I have one sister and five brothers. My sister was pregnant at the same time as I was, but gave birth two weeks before me. She too wasn't able to have a big ceremony, but my parents were there. Ten people were allowed, so they had that, on top of the virtual viewing.
All I kept on hearing was that recovering from a vaginal birth was way better. Honestly, after having a VBAC, I'm not sure about that. I was aching for a month, trying to do all the things that needed to be done, but I always had to sit down and lift my legs because I had throbbing pain.
Then one week and a half after we had the baby, my husband came down with COVID19. On Friday, I made soup and he couldn't smell anything. We were going to have my in-laws, but we ended up canceling. He got tested on Sunday and was positive.
That was the icing on the cake.
I was two weeks postpartum and he had to be in self-isolation for two more. He couldn't hug the kids or pick up the baby. We could not have any outside help. That was so hard.
It was also one week before Passover, which meant seven full days of cooking for that crazy busy holiday week, and I would have really needed support. I will say that my in-laws were incredibly helpful. My father-in-law did grocery shopping and dropped it off at the front of the house.
I assumed we all had it but were asymptomatic. I couldn't believe that my husband had it and we didn't. The day he first realized his symptoms matched COVID, he was holding the baby all day. My worries were mainly with him because he was so young, and we didn't know the effect of the virus on newborns. In the end, we all got out of phase healthy, but what a month!
I try to always look at the silver lining. I can't say I always do a good job at it, but I do go with the flow. Otherwise, life is too overwhelming.
My husband and I are in a good place in our relationship now. He sees how I'm feeling and often tells me to go upstairs, sleep, or take a moment alone. I don't do enough of that. One of my goals during this second postpartum is to make time for myself when I need it or get stressed and I break down. It's not always rosy posy. To carve time for oneself so you don't end with an explosion isn't easy.
I know that, right now, I'm trying to savor the moments. I look at my girls and I can't remember them being these little tiny babies. They are big girls now. It goes by so fast. People say that all the time: "The days are long but the years are short." They're right.
Of course, when you're in the thick of it, it doesn't feel like it, but I'm still trying to savor what it's like to have only one to care for instead of three at a time! He's already not as tiny as he was two months ago.
They each have their own story and their process of growing up. It's a ride, but these stories make us who we are.
Before having the girls, I never thought I would be the "Triplet Mom"! And now, I see myself as a mom of four. That's an addition to my story.
And I can't wait to see how it changes again.