This Is Postpartum (With a Dash of Postpartum Anxiety)

Magical time, imma right?

Let's break it down:

💤 Tightly swaddled baby on my arm so I can feel her move at ALL TIME. And also easily put my finger under her nose to make sure she's breathing and, well, not dead.

💤 Pads popping out of the nursing top. Always slipping up. Milk leaking everywhere (sheets, clothes, comforter.) Sour milk party.

💤 Nightguard. Gotta keep these teeth from grinding against each other and making this constant headache-from-crying-all-the-time worse.

💤 Tucked pillow, so baby doesn't suffocate (did I mention she might die?) Shouldn't post this on social media, tho. I'm gonna get so much #momhate.

💤 Messy and greasy hair. Don't matter, it'll all fall in lumps in a few weeks.

💤 But hey: I'm sleeping when baby sleeps! I'm following orders! What a good mom am I.

*

I'm being sarcastic and yet, very honest.

I remember this time like it was yesterday. It was a couple of weeks before I was hospitalized.

I was tired. Felt like I got hit by a truck.

The only thing I wanted was to feel like I was doing a good job. Not just to be *told* that I was, but to feel it, to my core.

I did not.

Motherhood was a steep learning curve for me, as it is for many.

There's a big trend out there regarding mental health and self-care. It's always been big, but now that celebrities "endorse" the conversation, it's everywhere, and it's easy to get lost between what is in our control as individuals and new parents, and what's not.

Because let's be real, discussing "mental health" is not quite the same as discussing "mental illness."

People aren't quite as willing to share a diagnosis as they are to talk about meditating or "taking time off to recenter."

Not that there's anything wrong with this.

But if, like me, you wonder if an undiagnosed mental illness is ruining your postpartum life, ask professionals.

Find a therapist, call a hotline (will link them all below), or talk to a trustworthy provider.

Postpartum is hard, but it shouldn't feel insurmountable, at least most days.

So reach out. From a fellow messy, greasy, milky, and anxious mother to another: please reach out.

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Postpartum Support International website
Hotline: 1-800-944-4773